Friday, November 6, 2009

Sheepskin

"Yalla, I'm waiting," her friend had said bluntly.
"Give me a minute, I'm leaving now" she replied, before hanging up and throwing her phone on her messy bed.
She opened the doors to her closet in search of a jacket. The wind howled outside and she could see the tiny droplets of rain flick themselves against her windows. Something warm.. Something to keep her dry.. The choices were infinite. Puffy ski jackets, smart blazers, crocheted capes and bright ponchos filled the racks, and she ran her hands along her collection of clothing until her hands stopped, feeling down the one jacket she proudly owned but never wore in public.
Gingerly pulling it off of the hanger, she inspected her sheepskin jacket. It was so elegant yet so worn out; the years had weathered the soft leather lining and matted the wool of the vintage piece, but it only gave it more character.

She slid her lean arms into the sleeves, putting the jacket on. The putrid smell of sheepskin always made her gag - one reason why she never wore it - but she craned her neck, elevating her head above the stench. Looking herself over once again in the mirror, she smiled at how ridiculously small she looked in the jacket. Like a pea in the pod, the jacket enveloped her, almost diminishing her upper body from existance. But that's exactly how she liked it. As small as she looked, she felt powerful. The shaggy wool had curled from the previous nights of rain, broadening her shoulders with rich hues of champagne, tan, and a deep chocolate brown.
Underneath the heavy jacket, she wore thick black leggings and a matching bodycon top, outlining her perfect figure that was hidden by the big beautiful jacket.
In her boots, she felt taller. With the jacket, she practically lurched when she walked, looking like a broad and strong woman with direction. In actuality, she felt as lost as the sheep that adorned her back, as cold as a child without his mother, and as frail as a praying mantis in the blowing desert wind.
Still, she walked, checking her reflection in the picture frames, in every mirror, in any surface that relayed her image back to her until she was finally out the door and into her car.

She sat in silence for the longest time after revving up the engine, and she ran her hands up and down the curly fur of her sleeves. Closing her eyes, she imagined running her hands through his hair the way she used to when they'd kiss passionately, and the way her fingers would carress the sparse hairs on his chest when he'd cradle her in his arms.
Yes, this jacket was all about him: the way it warmed her and protected her, the way the curling wool felt under the soft touch of her fingertips, the way the brown patches of color reminded her of the deep pools of cocoa in his eyes. Her love for him suffocated her the way the smell of the jacket invaded her nostrils. It was always about him. Every decision, every thought, every purchase was made with him in the back of her mind. She slowly backed out into the street and drove onto the endless highway.

'Wainik?' she thought to herself. 'Where in these streets are you? Who's house are you in? What are you eating? What are you saying?' Her fingers, which were starting to numb, grasped at the tendrils of sheep wool on her sleeve, desperately trying to absorb whatever feeling pertaining to him that the coat could bring her.
At the traffic light, she rested her head against the fogging icy window, gazing through the cloudy condesation. Her neck ached from twisting and turning in search of his car, and her eyes grew tired of straining themselves to find him. A lock of hair, a scruffy beard, a doe-like eye, a pearly smile - anything that could be him or a part of him made her ache.

A car inched closer to her, and the driver looked up at her. His large brown eyes and curling lashes gaped at her in awe - she was the most beautiful thing he'd laid eyes on, and she hadn't changed a bit. He gazed at her and she stared back at him while her stomach did somersaults, her heart fluttered, and her knees buckled. He flashed his million-dollar smile at her, and she let herself melt into the now hot sheepskin overcoat. Driving off as soon as the light turned green, she watched him speed ahead and turn into a residential area - probably going to the diwaniya.

Her coat felt brand new for the first time in the 30 years since its creation. Like the reincarnation of a lost soul that has been found, the coat seeped its liveliness into her skin as tears of joy danced on her lower eyelashes.

This is what you do to me.

45 comments:

BLBM:** said...

1st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wanasa al7een bagra

BLBM:** said...

love it!!!!!!!
its simply amazing!!!!:DD
:**

Anonymous said...

hi drama, i have been reading your blog for a long time now, i think i may have commented once or twice before. just wanted to say mashallah 3alaich, your posts are not only beautifully written, but they are thought provoking. like this one, it made me think back to so many times and reminded me of my own "sheepskin jacket" type of item which inspired similar feelings. i really feel the best writing is not just about how something is written (any good writer can string together gramatically correct sentences and turn them into a cohesive story). rather it is about the images you create in peoples minds, which make them THINK, and finally touch them in some way. your writing always does this to me, even if i don't always relate directly to the situation.

im glad that you haven't given up on love, you shouldn't because once someone gives up on love they somewhat give up on themselves.

sorry this comment was so long, but i really wanted to tell you this. anony f

Anonymous said...

hi drama, i have been reading your blog for a long time now, i think i may have commented once or twice before. just wanted to say mashallah 3alaich, your posts are not only beautifully written, but they are thought provoking. like this one, it made me think back to so many times and reminded me of my own "sheepskin jacket" type of item which inspired similar feelings. i really feel the best writing is not just about how something is written (any good writer can string together gramatically correct sentences and turn them into a cohesive story). rather it is about the images you create in peoples minds, which make them THINK, and finally touch them in some way. your writing always does this to me, even if i don't always relate directly to the situation.

im glad that you haven't given up on love, you shouldn't because once someone gives up on love they somewhat give up on themselves.

sorry this comment was so long, but i really wanted to tell you this. anony f

Wafa J said...

It's funny how a little smile manages to light up our days.

& although on the inside, I feel like everything's falling apart that one smile manages to make me feel whole again but just like that, once the smile fades everything goes back to how it was.

I find it pretty ironic actually that we're so willing to give ourselves up to people who don't deserve it and won't give those who do a chance.

Here's to love and hoping it brings something good our way :*

I absolutely adore your writing, you mustn't lose hope in love because once there's no love left, there's no hope for anything else.

Please post soon,

xx

Chicken Soup said...

love ya ;*: 7abeeebti ;** Thank you! Glad you liked it :)

Anonymous F: Your comment made me smile smile smile :))) You have no idea what your comment means to me!! I'm soooo glad that my entries move you and get you thinking - that was my main goal when I first started this blog, but then it turned into a string of love-story blobs and I wasn't really expressing how I felt. It's hard trying to feed an audience when you know that what you're giving isn't always what they want. But it pleases me more than ANYTHING that you think so highly of my writing. I love you :**** and THANK YOU!!

Starlight: Starlight, Starlight, Starlight :* I've never ever given up on love no matter how many times I've been shot down. You're totally right. I think people who don't believe in love are not really living. I would rather die than live the rest of my life dead inside. And I pray that you never give up either! A smile IS all it takes sometimes, to keep us holding on. Don't ever believe that the smile "fades away" because if it did, we wouldn't still be hanging on. They'll wake up one day :*** Here's to hoping :) I love you! Be strong!

Shattered Glass said...

Sis...despite all the feelings your post triggered, thank you so much for reminding me what it felt like to be in love...it's been ages since my heart seemed to have lost its beat...your post took me back to a similar memory...and you described my exact feelings...thank you sooo much for these few precious moments...i now have my own nostalgic memories to keep my mind occupied for the rest of the evening...

BLBM:** said...

how could i not!!!:D

Anonymous said...

I have been following ur blog ever since day 1..and i must say, ur writing has improved in so many ways. u always knew how to write, but now i think u have conquered the real meaning of being an author, and that is triggering different emotions by putting together a few amazingly written lines. u inspire me, u are one of the few bloggers out there who truly move me with their writing. i really hope u never give up on writing because mashallah ur more than talented, more than u know.

anonyJ

Average.Q8i said...

If u Write a Book; 100% it will Be a Best Seller; Mashalla 3alaiich ..
Amazing; Absolutely Amazing ..

nourahshing said...

You are such a beautiful person. I love you :*

Anonymous said...

drama you will always have an audience because your writing is captivating, and people will always be drawn to that. don't worry about feeding an audience what they want. even if you write about something that may make people flinch, it is still something that you thought of. is your email listed? i wanted to see what you thought of a story topic? love you too :) anony f

M said...

I agree, you are an amazing writer, the way you describe things makes it like i'm watching a movie rather than reading a story.. mashallah 3alaich :)

Um Mit3ib said...

wa3alaaaayyyaaaa!


ana qarart.. i hate boys;p

Chicken Soup said...

love ya;*: 7ayati intay :*

Anonymous J: WOW.. Thank you!!!! That is a wonderful wonderful compliment and I thank you from the bottom of my bottomless heart! There is nothing I want more than to inspire my readers and have them enjoy my writing for more than just the words they read. I'm so glad you feel that way and it's comments like these that inspire me to write better. :****

Average.Q8i: AwwwW! Matga9er thank you!!! I read through your blog mashallah I love it! :) Thanks for your sweet comment :)

Tigerlilly: Shagool, sha5alli :*** You are the epitome! I love you!

Anonymous F: E-mail me at chicken.soup.q8@hotmail.com :) Thanks 7abeebti! Look forward to hearing from you!!

M: Dearest M, thank you! :) I'm so happy you liked it!!

Um Mit3ib: Ahahahaha!! :** 7ayati! I hate boys too. I love MEN!! :) Fee farg kbeer kbeer kbeer.

Khalid said...

like it!
thnx

Chicken Soup said...

Thanks Khalid :)

AKF said...

Immaculate. As always.

;**

BK said...

Hey.. I recently stumbled across your blog and was captivated by it.. Your blog brought back so many memories, good and bad, old and new.. I know exactly what you mean when you say your smiling from the outside but struggling from the inside.. For the past month that has been my case, a big smile on my face but a crying heart in my chest and as much as I say I have to get over it, i just choose not too.. It's hard to get over things that mean the most to you in your life but I guess thats just how life is.. Sorry im rambling, I just wanted to say thanks for your blogs, they made me think twice about everything.. And hang in there sweetie, sooner or later they're bound to come back, if they don't then they really weren't worth it in the first place..

kuwaiti-in-SF said...

Heeeyy wow i love your blog, it makes my day. i;ve been waiting for a post for a while and when my friend called and said you posted something i litterly RAN to my laptop to read it and i loveeee it you are seriously talented! and i miss Year of the lover:P hope you get inspired and update soon
tc thanks for your amazing posts:*

Unknown said...

I'm very happy you're blogging again and only wish I had known sooner. The truth in art is its ability to provoke and resonate. So much of what you write rings true with me- Mr. F's furry sheep cloak thing (he calls it a "fa-do-ah"?), the stomach churning, the longing.

Chicken Soup said...

Um Loai: Thanks sweety :*

BK: I take every word you said to heart :* Sometimes when you're in situations like these (i.e. holding on when everyone is telling you to let go), it's hard because you feel like there's no one out there that knows what you're going through. I'm glad my writings triggered your emotions, not because it makes me feel better, but because emotions like these are too precious to let go. Thanks for reading and hope to see your comments again and again! :***

Abrar: Thaaanks 7abeebti for your sweet comment! :** YotL will continue soon, but it will come to an end. I'm more comfortable with these kinds of writings anyhow :) Hoep you continue to read!! xoxo

Musing Around: Dearest R :*** Your comment made me smileee!! Hahaha, I found it in F's closet, the Far-wah :P Not long left till the reunion in Zanzi, huh? :) I hope we meet soon!! Love you :* and thanks for reading :)

Unknown said...

Great Story... :")

S said...

I love it I love it I luuuuuuv it!
Ima get me one o' those! The jacket I mean..
The man, it's gonna be a while before he does that to me lol

KWA;* said...

I know i commented really late bes i have to tell you inna this is absolutely breathtaking! i love your blog i love every post you write and i love every word and letter in every post!!

rhn said...

love the blog and your stories! entertaining...

BK said...

Hey there..
As they say, "long time no see!" or in this case i guess it would be "read".. I hope your okaay, and that your heart is mending, i know its not easy but as you said to me, "emotions like these are too precious to let go.." so hang on to your emotions and don't let them go and let them make you smile, and cry and laugh hysterically because they really are so precious and for me, i would rather hang on to these emotions for the rest of my life than not being able to have them at all.. So, guess what? Your one of the lucky people who get to experience these emotions and go through them.. Smile :) Life isn't so bad, you just have to take it one emotion at a time..
Anyways, i'm writing to say kel 3am ow entee ow kel eyamik be alf kheir ya rab..
Take care, smile, and dream - Dream big. Dreams are what keep us alive, keep us going.. There's nothing wrong with dreaming, there's only something wrong if you don't..
"Dreams are hopeless aspirations, in dreams of coming true, believe in yourself and the rest is up to you.."

paintnpencil said...

Wow stumbled upon your blog and so glad I did, some really serious talent here. You are an excellent writer/author.

sh. said...

wooow <3
i'm in love with the way u write,
mashallah 3laich

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Glow said...

I just started writing this blog. Please read it and provide feedback. It would mean THE WORLD to me.

Link:http://dreamworldofadreamer.blogspot.com/

Please pass it on :3

xoxo, Dreamer

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